Home Sick

So I know I said that my next blog would be about ichie ban noodles... And I know you were all looking forward to hearing all about my love of those salty wonderful noodles, but this is something I just need to get out to the world (even if that world is just one person hah)...

I'm home sick. And its really hard for me to admit that... because I never EVER get homesick! I'm so used to living on my own and being away from one family or another that I just never really feel homesick. Well, except when I was in Spain, but I was more-so just terrified of being so far away and not knowing a single person on that side of the world let alone in the city... But anyways, yes, I, Ceilidh, am homesick.

And not only that, but I'm super stressed too. Gone are the days where I can just go home to my Mom and open the fridge and there be food, and be able to see my family and friends whenever I wanted and my bank account was NEVER in the negatives... Now, not so much! I have no food in my fridge, and when there is the smallest amount of food, BAM it disappears again... and I'm always constantly being harrassed by my landlord, my phone company, etc saying "pay this, pay that, pay this" etc. Well I don't have the money! Theres a couple things that are stressing me out too much these days... money, work, money and work...

Let me vent about work for a bit... I hate my job! Love the people I work with and such, but we're constantly hiring all of these new people and their taking my shifts and they keep calling me and being like "oh ya, we don't need you to come in today" and I keep trying to tell them "I CANT DO THIS!!!" I need to work, I need to make money, cause right now, I can't make rent for the end of the month! Minimum wage here is sooooo low, we're never busy enough to make a decent amount of tips, and I feel like I'm being punished even though I've never screwed up, I've never done anything wrong, and I've actually saved their asses a million times by taking hostessing shifts when they don't have anyone to hostess (oh ya, did I mention, we have like 2 hostesses and 2 expos and like 50 million servers?). So really, they should be kissing my ass and begging me to come in and work because I've saved their ass sooo many times! But no, its more like "hey Ceilidh, lucky you! You get to sleep in today!" ummm no, not lucky ceilidh... Ceilidh can't make rent this month and gets to live off water for the next couple days because you guys arent giving me enough hours! When I applied there, I was told I would be able to get full time hours! Lots of shifts... I told them I was avaliable 24/7 whenever they needed me, for whatever serving shift... and I've been so desprate lately I've even said "HEY! Let me hostess for you" cause otherwise I'm not going to work. People who were hired after me are not bartending, shift leading, etc... and then theres me... stuck in the fucking dinning room, in shitty sections, making minimum wage, and saving every penny I make to put towards rent. I don't remember the last time I bought a coffee, a bagel, anything! Cause I can't afford it! Hell, I barely even take the skytrain anymore cause I can't afford the $2.50 it costs to get downtown! I'm not even getting part time hours anymore!!! This is just rediculous, and yes, I have a job coming that promises to be better but I need a day job! I need something where I can make more than $8 an hour and where I can be guarenteed money! 

I just want to have my Mom here, I want her to give me a hug and tell me its all going to be okay! I don't know if I'm going to be able to afford going home for christmas... People keep asking me what I want for christmas and they laugh when I say 'money'... what they don't realize is that yes, thats all I want and all I need!!! $500 for the month of rent, $200 for groceries $100 for my phone bill.... and a couple extra bucks just to make sure I can make it the next month! Seriously, I don't want gift cards, I don't want books, none of that, I want money! Don't waste money spending it on something, just give me the money you were going to spend on me and I'll give it to my landlord! (if you insist on buying me something, I wouldn't mind a tattoo haha... )

I'm sooo stressed lately I've been a ball of emotions and I feel like I'm going to explode sometime soon! I have no motivation to do anything, but lie in bed and feel like shit because my life sucks! And this weather isn't helping... I'm freezing in my apartment and its always grey and rainy out... I don't know if I can do this anymore... I want out, I need to escape, to run away!!! I need to do something crazy, I don't know what that might be but I need to do soemthing crazy! I'm going insane just sitting around doing nothing! I miss home, with all my friends, and my vehicle I could use to go places and just cruise around when I felt like this... Put in a good CD and just drive... I have nothing now! I'm scared everytime I check the mail, everytime someone knocks on my door and everytime my phone rings... scared that its going to be yet another person whose going to ask me for something... money...

And it doesn't help that I'm feeling rediculously guilty for not calling my Dad that often, but really... Do you know how much it costs me to call him? Until the end of the month when my long distance plan kicks in it costs me an arm, a leg and a bucket of blood to call him! I want to talk to him, I miss my dad terribly, but I can't... 

I need a vacation! I want to do what I seem to do best, which is to run away from all my problems! But sadly, I can't... I want to just curl up into a ball in my comforter and disappear for a while... 

Anyways... might go see if I can do something... other than sit here and feel like crap...

Until next time...

If you wanna send money! Let me know :) blah!

Popcorn

Soooo I'm not quite sure what to blog about, but its been almost a week now since I've blogged so I have to blog about something. Not too sure tho, I've blogged enough about boys and how much they suck (tho, they still do, I so want to have the ability to read guy's mind... ew), so ya... now what do I blog about?

POPCORN!!!

I love popcorn, and I really really want popcorn... I always want popcorn, but I don't have a microwave to make packages of popcorn and I don't have a air pop popcorn maker thingy either... So I'm stuck with no popcorn. Although, the other night, I was at my friend's house, watching "Pretty Woman" and we decided to make popcorn, cause she had just gotten a microwave to make popcorn... SOOOO we throw in the popcorn, press that nifty magical button that makes the popcorn in a perfect time (and you don't have to try and guess when it'll be done)... So theres 3 seconds left on the clock, lauren and I counting down ... anticipating our delicious, buttery, hot popcorn. Then, suddenly, disaster struck with the loud CRACK that came from the microwave... we immediately stopped the microwave, and cautiously opened the door... Well the glass turny plate thingy shattered! :( so luckily, we managed to do some CPR and save our popcorn, but, alas, the bright red microwave was no more...

thats my story on popcorn, stay tuned to tomorrows episode, Ichiban Noodles! AKA my diet... those delicious noodles that cook in 2 minutes and are delicious and salty and wonderful!!! 

Until then, 

Stay Thirsty My Friends

November Resolution...

SO my friend pointed out to me that its been a while since I blogged about anything... So I figured, hey... I'm not sleeping, so why not!? So here it goes...

First of all, let me just point out that there will probably be a lot of middle of the night blogs coming from me seeing as my insomnia missed me and has come back to hang out for a bit. I should really write down what I do to get tired and to go to sleep when I am able to, because then, when its 2:00 am and I'm sitting in my room, with the lights out, listening to some Jonathan Clay, just really wishing I would be able to fall asleep, I can turn to that list of stuff to do, read it and HEY! fall asleep... What a concept, sleep... My step dad always says "you sleep enough when your dead" well, I might die if I don't get more than 4 hours of sleep at night, just wish my body and mind would come to realize this! 

It really does suck, all you want to do is sleep, and you lie down in bed, get comfy, then you either a) can't calm your mind enough to fall asleep or b) you just can't lie still... your legs keep wanting to run a marathon and your body suddenly gets ADHD and decides that it is only going to be comfy in a certain position for 2 minutes before a pain hits somewhere or you get a twitch or an itch and you can't get comfy again...

YAY INSOMNIA!!!! I really wanted you to come back, I missed you, I really did :-( *kidding*

Second of all: I've decided that I'm gonna put myself to the test this month (and maybe for a while longer). I just finished quite the weekend of events. Went out and drank Saturday night at a house party, then had a couple beers while watching the football game (GO RIDERS) on Sunday, then staff party on Monday which meant more drinking... SOOOO, since this seems like enough drinking for the next month for me, I've decided to not go out at all this month! I am still allowing myself to have a glass of wine or a beer (singular) if I'm ever out for supper, or a rum and ginger with my roommate on a Friday or Saturday night IN... but no more drinking after work, no more going out on weekends and spending money I don't have to spend and DEFINITELY no more than 2 drinks per week!!!!!!! 

Now you may think that this is rediculous, I mean, it can't be that hard to not drink right? WRONG! And no, I do not have a drinking problem,... Its just, when you work in the serving industry and all people do is drink and go out and are always inviting you... it is hard! Especially when all you want to do is make them like you, and make them think your not a loser... so you go out with them. Well I've decided I have my girlfriends, I don't need people who don't like me for who I am, and this is who I am!!!!

I am a proud loser

I like curling into a ball and reading a book for hours on end

I like cooking

I like dancing around to goofy music (sober)

I like just hanging out with girlfriends

I LOVE jeans

I LOVE sports... I'm a football/hockey girl

I hate gossip

I hate drama

I really hate clubs

I hate putting effort into how I look

I hate guys hitting on me all the time (ew)

I hate loud horrible music pounding in my ears

I hate chicks dressing like sluts and giving me weird looks cause i'm usually in jeans

And the list kinda goes on and on... So ya, moral of this story is, I'm done drinking... I usually regret drinking, I usually regret things I say and do when I drink, and I just really want to prove to myself I can do it! But not just that, how much money will I save if I don't drink?! Like really, soooo much money! And who needs alcohol when you're honestly happy...

Which is another point, I am happy... Its November and I'm wearing jeans and tee's to work, only putting my sweater on for the wander home after work (at night)... The sun has been shining lately, and I have my bestest friend in the whole wide world living close(ish) to me again... I don't need a guy in my life; tho, I'm not going to complain if that perfect guy happens to show up, you know, anytime now... like... now? or... not? :( hahaha... But seriously, I am happy... Sure, I have days (like now) where I feel like a fat, ugly cow, but hey... thats what sweat pants are for right girls? And I have days (like now) where I really, REALLY miss my Mom and sister and want to just have them both with me cuddling in bed like we used to do every weekend... But, I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I have a job, I have enough money to get by, so not much to complain about... 

Anyways, seems like Insomnia has taken a break and I must take advantage of this space I have away from it and try and sneak in some z's... So, until next time (which won't be this long... promise) I say good night, sweet dreams, and don't let the bed bugs bite... But if they do, take your shoe, and beat them til their black and blue :-D - thats what my Nana always says <3 Love her...

CIAO! xoxo

Friday Night

Soooo Friday night.. And this is the best my roommate and I can do... Uploading photos to that "yearbook yourself" website, watching Jersey Shore, and trying to not think of boys...

This is why I love my friend (lets call her Janet...)! She helps me feel better all the time! She said the best thing ever tonight... something that made me laugh and made my night suddenly so much better! She said she was gonna punch Bob in the balls and then look at him and when he says "why?" she'd say "YOU know why!!!" I love Janet... SOOOO! I've made a list... a list of what I want from a guy... I need help to figure out what else I should look for, I feel like most of these things are just soooo superficial...

1) Tall - 6 feet or over

2) has tattoo's

3) in shape

4) is in school

          OR

5) has a good solid job

6) can carry on a conversation

7) is manly

8) likes my friends

        AND

9) they like him

10) athlete

11) loves sports - especially CFL and hockey

12) is a family guy

13) likes kids (and wants some)

14) believes in marriage

15) makes me feel beautiful and special

I think thats good... I just, I know who I want (I think) but he has a bitch of a girlfriend... slash I hear she's his girlfriend from one person then I hear he hates her and its not a girlfriend from another person...

I just want to know what happened, does he like me? did he ever like me? what happened? I just want things to go back to the way things were... talking to him... just being his friend... I mean, I REALLY wanna be more than friends but I also will take just friends right now... I just... uhhhh I want to be with someone, I want to find that guy who makes me happy, who makes me feel special, who makes me feel like one in a million... someone I can call and just cuddle up with... *SCREAM* why does my life suck... especially when it comes to guys!? Guys are cheaters and liars and I hate them all... but I also love them so much...

okay... no more venting... okay... a little more venting...

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to just fight someone, want to punch someone in the fucking face and bitch out someone... I want to know why guys cheat, want to know why guys lead girls on and why they do this stupid shit... Why do I fall for guys so easily too? Why do I get sooooo attached to guys soooo easily? I hate it, because as soon as I fall for a guy, BAM they screw me up, they hurt me, and I get into this rut that I'm in right now, where I just, I want to be with a guy, I get all attached to a guy, then I get broken... Its all my fault, I mean, BAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! F-MY-LIFE!!!!!!

okay, seriously, going to stop ranting now... I love how no one will ever read this... but man it feel sooo good to just let go!

<3 xo

Hurt

So I'm sitting at home, all by myself, just hanging out... and I can't get this guy out of my head... I watch a movie, watch TV, read a book, and I just want to have this guy... I think its the whole "I want what I can't have" thing... But ya, its driving me insane! Not only that but I just got another bunch of texts from his "girlfriend" telling me how she was gonna go hook up with him and tell me all this shit... I can't believe this, I CAN NOT like someone I've never even met!!! But I need to get over him, I need to get him out of my head... Why can't I get over him... Why am I so head over heels for this jerk!? Like what the hell... Not only that, but why do I seem to attract the biggest ass holes... Why do guys cheat too? I wish I had never heard of him, wish I had never texted him, wish he would just disappear from my life... I want to text this chick back and be like "stop fucking texting me, I don't care" but that would just show I do care... 

I don't know what to do... I want him :( I want to be with him :( I want to at least know that I wasn't wrong about him being a sweetheart... I want to know he wasn't just playing me... I feel like I just got dumped by a guy I've never met, let alone been with... Why do I do this? I wish I could just erase this whole thing from my mind :(

So, boys are dumb... with the exception of my bestest friend Mitch... And I just had one of the most dramatic weeks because of boy's so I just HAD to blog about it (hmmm, I'm starting to really like this blogging thing now). 

SO lets start off with the shortest story of all ... Kevin

Kevin and I dated for a while and then he started getting really possessive and, well I just started realizing why all my friends had been telling me for the past 2 years that I should dump him.. So I did! And I moved here... However, he seemed to not understand that meant we were over... nor did he get the whole "I'm breaking up with you" or any other message I was trying to send to him...

I arrived in Vancouver and was hoping that was the end of Kevin...But no... he called and called and called and emailed and texted me, no matter how much I tried to ignore him!!! Now 4 months later, I've finally stopped hearing from him! FINALLY!!!! *knock on wood he doesn't call after this is published hah*

Now on to Enrique...

Ohhh Enrique... Met him and was like "hmmm, your quite the bad boy..." and wasn't quite sure if I liked him or not... a couple pitchers of beer later... I did like him (not in a boyfriend type of way, OH NO!) but in a ... your fun to hang out with and really hot to look at and a great kisser type of way... hahahaha

We've hung out quite a bit and its always a gong show but such a fun time! Oh man... But ya... no drama with him... just had to say something about him

Gary...

Met Gary wandering around downtown vancouver one night after my friends birthday party... ended up hanging out with him all night and the next day, twas quite fun! He's tall, in seriously good shape and is really fun to hang out with and talk to... BUT I don't know what he wants from me... He keeps texting me, saying "hey babe, thinking of you and wanted to see how you are"... and always wanting to hang out but like just to make food or chill out, and I think he wants WAY more than what I want... ie. he wants a girlfriend/relationship and I want... well I don't know what I want but I do know thats NOT what I want! Just got out of a relationship... do not want another one! So ya... he's annoying me

Now for the funnest and most dramatic of them all... Stupid rasa frasa Bob...

I was set up with Bob by a friend... We started texting and I started really liking him, like a lot... like enough that I would consider dating him... (of course) I creaped him on Facebook and found out, wow, not only is he really nice and super down to earth but he's hot too! Only major problem... he lives like 20 hours away from me :-(  But we had chatted about that and decided that we were just gonna be friends and chat and whatever, and hopefully meet each other someday in the near future.. we always talked about meeting each other and stuff... and we just had fun.. we flirted a lot and joked around and stuff... I started really really falling for him! I knew I should stop liking him, I knew it would only lead to heart break (it always does) but I figured, no, I like this guy, he's super nice and my friends like him and are friends with him, what could happen...

WELL, let me tell you what happened! One morning, after a night of intense flirting and talking... I get this message saying "Hey, you need to stop texting Bob... I don't want to hear from you ever again" and I got this vibe like "back off bitch he's mine"... which obviously couldn't be true seeing as how I was told by him, his friend and my friend that he was single and the way we were chatting the night before, there was no chance in hell this guy was in a relationship... So I texted back asking who that was... "I'm his girlfriend"...

Well great, there we go again, yet another cheater has entered my life... why do I attract the worst guys? Just when I was willing to open my heart up again... BAM!!! It hits me like a ton of bricks!!!

So now, I'll get random messages from Bob's phone but from Bob's "girlfriend" telling me to back off and that he and her are doing just fine and that, apparently, I'm the furthest thing from his mind... You would think this would have no effect on me whatsoever! I mean, this guy hurt me, I didn't let him in, but I let him as close to me as I've let a guy in the past like 6 months... As much as I put on a face and I'm like "screw you... I don't care" I really do... and I wonder, has this been going on the whole time we were talking? Are they actually going out now? I thought he liked me? What did I do? 

SO ya, moral of this story, Boy's Suck!!! And I've decided I don't need one! Not now, not for a while! I've given up on them all... I hate them all, and they can all go die in my eyes... especially the above mentioned... 

But I raise the question... why do we let boys into our hearts so easily? We should take a lesson from boys and be emotionless walls, not trust every guy who gives you that cute smile and wink of the eye, or every boy who tells you your gorgous and you believe him... I've decided the next time I find myself falling for a guy, I'm just gonna remember the hurt that every other guy in my life has caused me and say to them "fuck you! Your an asshole who will never change and never grow up..."

I know I sound angry and rude and whatever, but seriously... Its the best way to go about all of this... Just been emotionless walls and never trust guys... no matter how nice they are, how cute they look, and how much you seem to have in common with them...

Until next time (which will be a much happier blog I promise) I say good night! I'm off to have a nap and NOT dream of boys... 

xo

Boys/Men are DUMB!!!

Alrighty... soooo to remain unknown to the blogging world I am naming my boys by random names...

1st boy: Bob 

             Bob does not live where I live (in vancouver) but he is really really hot and we have SOOOOO much in common... minus this story

2nd boy: Garry

              Garry used to live on his own but just moved in with his Dad, Garry is a momma's boy, and potentially a REALLY great boyfriend... but seeing as I DO NOT want a boyfriend, he's rather annoying

3rd boy: Enrique

              Enrique works in a restaurant, and is incredible hot... but NOT AT ALL boyfriend material, just a really great guy to hang out with slash occasionally sleep with... scratch that... REALLY good to occasionally sleep with... 

4th boy:: Kevin

              Kevin is an ex who doesn't quite get the understanding/definition of EX!!!

5th boy: (if any new boy comes up, hence forth his name is Roberto)

Now... to my story