Home Sick

So I know I said that my next blog would be about ichie ban noodles... And I know you were all looking forward to hearing all about my love of those salty wonderful noodles, but this is something I just need to get out to the world (even if that world is just one person hah)...

I'm home sick. And its really hard for me to admit that... because I never EVER get homesick! I'm so used to living on my own and being away from one family or another that I just never really feel homesick. Well, except when I was in Spain, but I was more-so just terrified of being so far away and not knowing a single person on that side of the world let alone in the city... But anyways, yes, I, Ceilidh, am homesick.

And not only that, but I'm super stressed too. Gone are the days where I can just go home to my Mom and open the fridge and there be food, and be able to see my family and friends whenever I wanted and my bank account was NEVER in the negatives... Now, not so much! I have no food in my fridge, and when there is the smallest amount of food, BAM it disappears again... and I'm always constantly being harrassed by my landlord, my phone company, etc saying "pay this, pay that, pay this" etc. Well I don't have the money! Theres a couple things that are stressing me out too much these days... money, work, money and work...

Let me vent about work for a bit... I hate my job! Love the people I work with and such, but we're constantly hiring all of these new people and their taking my shifts and they keep calling me and being like "oh ya, we don't need you to come in today" and I keep trying to tell them "I CANT DO THIS!!!" I need to work, I need to make money, cause right now, I can't make rent for the end of the month! Minimum wage here is sooooo low, we're never busy enough to make a decent amount of tips, and I feel like I'm being punished even though I've never screwed up, I've never done anything wrong, and I've actually saved their asses a million times by taking hostessing shifts when they don't have anyone to hostess (oh ya, did I mention, we have like 2 hostesses and 2 expos and like 50 million servers?). So really, they should be kissing my ass and begging me to come in and work because I've saved their ass sooo many times! But no, its more like "hey Ceilidh, lucky you! You get to sleep in today!" ummm no, not lucky ceilidh... Ceilidh can't make rent this month and gets to live off water for the next couple days because you guys arent giving me enough hours! When I applied there, I was told I would be able to get full time hours! Lots of shifts... I told them I was avaliable 24/7 whenever they needed me, for whatever serving shift... and I've been so desprate lately I've even said "HEY! Let me hostess for you" cause otherwise I'm not going to work. People who were hired after me are not bartending, shift leading, etc... and then theres me... stuck in the fucking dinning room, in shitty sections, making minimum wage, and saving every penny I make to put towards rent. I don't remember the last time I bought a coffee, a bagel, anything! Cause I can't afford it! Hell, I barely even take the skytrain anymore cause I can't afford the $2.50 it costs to get downtown! I'm not even getting part time hours anymore!!! This is just rediculous, and yes, I have a job coming that promises to be better but I need a day job! I need something where I can make more than $8 an hour and where I can be guarenteed money! 

I just want to have my Mom here, I want her to give me a hug and tell me its all going to be okay! I don't know if I'm going to be able to afford going home for christmas... People keep asking me what I want for christmas and they laugh when I say 'money'... what they don't realize is that yes, thats all I want and all I need!!! $500 for the month of rent, $200 for groceries $100 for my phone bill.... and a couple extra bucks just to make sure I can make it the next month! Seriously, I don't want gift cards, I don't want books, none of that, I want money! Don't waste money spending it on something, just give me the money you were going to spend on me and I'll give it to my landlord! (if you insist on buying me something, I wouldn't mind a tattoo haha... )

I'm sooo stressed lately I've been a ball of emotions and I feel like I'm going to explode sometime soon! I have no motivation to do anything, but lie in bed and feel like shit because my life sucks! And this weather isn't helping... I'm freezing in my apartment and its always grey and rainy out... I don't know if I can do this anymore... I want out, I need to escape, to run away!!! I need to do something crazy, I don't know what that might be but I need to do soemthing crazy! I'm going insane just sitting around doing nothing! I miss home, with all my friends, and my vehicle I could use to go places and just cruise around when I felt like this... Put in a good CD and just drive... I have nothing now! I'm scared everytime I check the mail, everytime someone knocks on my door and everytime my phone rings... scared that its going to be yet another person whose going to ask me for something... money...

And it doesn't help that I'm feeling rediculously guilty for not calling my Dad that often, but really... Do you know how much it costs me to call him? Until the end of the month when my long distance plan kicks in it costs me an arm, a leg and a bucket of blood to call him! I want to talk to him, I miss my dad terribly, but I can't... 

I need a vacation! I want to do what I seem to do best, which is to run away from all my problems! But sadly, I can't... I want to just curl up into a ball in my comforter and disappear for a while... 

Anyways... might go see if I can do something... other than sit here and feel like crap...

Until next time...

If you wanna send money! Let me know :) blah!

Popcorn

Soooo I'm not quite sure what to blog about, but its been almost a week now since I've blogged so I have to blog about something. Not too sure tho, I've blogged enough about boys and how much they suck (tho, they still do, I so want to have the ability to read guy's mind... ew), so ya... now what do I blog about?

POPCORN!!!

I love popcorn, and I really really want popcorn... I always want popcorn, but I don't have a microwave to make packages of popcorn and I don't have a air pop popcorn maker thingy either... So I'm stuck with no popcorn. Although, the other night, I was at my friend's house, watching "Pretty Woman" and we decided to make popcorn, cause she had just gotten a microwave to make popcorn... SOOOO we throw in the popcorn, press that nifty magical button that makes the popcorn in a perfect time (and you don't have to try and guess when it'll be done)... So theres 3 seconds left on the clock, lauren and I counting down ... anticipating our delicious, buttery, hot popcorn. Then, suddenly, disaster struck with the loud CRACK that came from the microwave... we immediately stopped the microwave, and cautiously opened the door... Well the glass turny plate thingy shattered! :( so luckily, we managed to do some CPR and save our popcorn, but, alas, the bright red microwave was no more...

thats my story on popcorn, stay tuned to tomorrows episode, Ichiban Noodles! AKA my diet... those delicious noodles that cook in 2 minutes and are delicious and salty and wonderful!!! 

Until then, 

Stay Thirsty My Friends

November Resolution...

SO my friend pointed out to me that its been a while since I blogged about anything... So I figured, hey... I'm not sleeping, so why not!? So here it goes...

First of all, let me just point out that there will probably be a lot of middle of the night blogs coming from me seeing as my insomnia missed me and has come back to hang out for a bit. I should really write down what I do to get tired and to go to sleep when I am able to, because then, when its 2:00 am and I'm sitting in my room, with the lights out, listening to some Jonathan Clay, just really wishing I would be able to fall asleep, I can turn to that list of stuff to do, read it and HEY! fall asleep... What a concept, sleep... My step dad always says "you sleep enough when your dead" well, I might die if I don't get more than 4 hours of sleep at night, just wish my body and mind would come to realize this! 

It really does suck, all you want to do is sleep, and you lie down in bed, get comfy, then you either a) can't calm your mind enough to fall asleep or b) you just can't lie still... your legs keep wanting to run a marathon and your body suddenly gets ADHD and decides that it is only going to be comfy in a certain position for 2 minutes before a pain hits somewhere or you get a twitch or an itch and you can't get comfy again...

YAY INSOMNIA!!!! I really wanted you to come back, I missed you, I really did :-( *kidding*

Second of all: I've decided that I'm gonna put myself to the test this month (and maybe for a while longer). I just finished quite the weekend of events. Went out and drank Saturday night at a house party, then had a couple beers while watching the football game (GO RIDERS) on Sunday, then staff party on Monday which meant more drinking... SOOOO, since this seems like enough drinking for the next month for me, I've decided to not go out at all this month! I am still allowing myself to have a glass of wine or a beer (singular) if I'm ever out for supper, or a rum and ginger with my roommate on a Friday or Saturday night IN... but no more drinking after work, no more going out on weekends and spending money I don't have to spend and DEFINITELY no more than 2 drinks per week!!!!!!! 

Now you may think that this is rediculous, I mean, it can't be that hard to not drink right? WRONG! And no, I do not have a drinking problem,... Its just, when you work in the serving industry and all people do is drink and go out and are always inviting you... it is hard! Especially when all you want to do is make them like you, and make them think your not a loser... so you go out with them. Well I've decided I have my girlfriends, I don't need people who don't like me for who I am, and this is who I am!!!!

I am a proud loser

I like curling into a ball and reading a book for hours on end

I like cooking

I like dancing around to goofy music (sober)

I like just hanging out with girlfriends

I LOVE jeans

I LOVE sports... I'm a football/hockey girl

I hate gossip

I hate drama

I really hate clubs

I hate putting effort into how I look

I hate guys hitting on me all the time (ew)

I hate loud horrible music pounding in my ears

I hate chicks dressing like sluts and giving me weird looks cause i'm usually in jeans

And the list kinda goes on and on... So ya, moral of this story is, I'm done drinking... I usually regret drinking, I usually regret things I say and do when I drink, and I just really want to prove to myself I can do it! But not just that, how much money will I save if I don't drink?! Like really, soooo much money! And who needs alcohol when you're honestly happy...

Which is another point, I am happy... Its November and I'm wearing jeans and tee's to work, only putting my sweater on for the wander home after work (at night)... The sun has been shining lately, and I have my bestest friend in the whole wide world living close(ish) to me again... I don't need a guy in my life; tho, I'm not going to complain if that perfect guy happens to show up, you know, anytime now... like... now? or... not? :( hahaha... But seriously, I am happy... Sure, I have days (like now) where I feel like a fat, ugly cow, but hey... thats what sweat pants are for right girls? And I have days (like now) where I really, REALLY miss my Mom and sister and want to just have them both with me cuddling in bed like we used to do every weekend... But, I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I have a job, I have enough money to get by, so not much to complain about... 

Anyways, seems like Insomnia has taken a break and I must take advantage of this space I have away from it and try and sneak in some z's... So, until next time (which won't be this long... promise) I say good night, sweet dreams, and don't let the bed bugs bite... But if they do, take your shoe, and beat them til their black and blue :-D - thats what my Nana always says <3 Love her...

CIAO! xoxo